GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
2009 Paramount
118 Minutes
Starring: Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje,Christopher Eccleston,Grégory Fitoussi,Joseph Gordon-Levitt,Leo Howard,Karolina Kurkova, Marlon Wayans.
PG-13
We all memories as children of playing with toys and developing early fanfic to keep things interesting. For many of us who grew up in the 80s, those memories included Star Wars figures, Mirconauts, Transformers, etc. And then there were some who had GI Joe figures. Now, we had the cartoon to give us a story guide, but then you’d have the kid with the WILD imagination who would just make up a totally different universe for the GI Joes to be in. Remember him? Yeah, he was a weird kid. I think his parents were rich or something.
Well anyway, that weird kid grew up and made a movie. It’s called “GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra”. It’s set “in the not too distant future”, but that doesn’t matter, because the movie doesn’t really stop long enough for you to get a frame of reference anyway. The movie begins and we learn that there are “nanobugs” which “eat through metal until you deactivate them”. They are loaded into a warhead. The warhead is being transported by miltary personnel who seem competent enough, until they are completely ambushed. Everyone’s wiped out except two soldiers, “Duke” ( Channing Tatum) and “Ripcord” (Marlon Wayans). The next thing you know, these two soldiers become part of an elite group called GI JOE. They must stop these nanoweapons before, well, they take over the world. If you followed the 80′s cartoon, you will recognize the character names. If you didn’t watch the show and didn’t have any of these toys, this movie will go by like a blur.
…but it’s a really good looking blur. I think.
If you’re looking for a loud movie with lots of explosions and really don’t care about plot or acting, this is TOTALLY the movie for you. This is not the movie we should refer to when telling people in other countries how far we’ve come as a society. We’ve been doing these kinds of movies for years. Because they work. Kids between 8 and 12 will have a great time. Adults who are really kids with a driver’s license will love this. Trying to think about this movie will ruin it for you. Yes, it’s dumb. but not insulting. If you can check your head at the door, sit back and enjoy the ride.
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