I Heard You Twice the First Time: a Review of V (2009)

Yesterday, ABC TV aired “V”, which is being called “A reimagining of the 1983 miniseries”. When people say they hate science fiction, they usually give a list of reasons. ABC has heard all of those reasons and decided to make a SHOW out of them.

There are some really interesting ideas in this show, but if you’ve been watching science fiction television for the past 15 years, you’ve seen them all already, on shows including “Earth: Final Conflict”, “The 4400″, and “First Wave”. Most science fiction shows start slow and get better, but not many shows have the entire story laid out for them like this show has. the last show to have this kind of set up in terms of audience’s familiar with the story was “Battlestar Galactica“, which is arguably one of the best TV remakes ever. I’m not sure WHO thought this was a good idea, but whoever it was may not be a science fiction fan.

This show is horribly written, and insults any true science fiction fan’s intelligence with a return to 2-dimensional character representations. Essentially, “V” is a show about Morena Baccarin, who, let’s face it, looks great in any role she’s in, and some really cool spaceships, surrounded by cardboard standups of people to represent different walks of life. We’re introduced to each character by having to eavesdrop on their lives, or conversations they are having. It’s never made clear why we should care about ANY of these characters.

It’s also never made clear how the world remains cool as a fan as floating CITIES hover above them. There is one particularly insulting scene where Tyler Evans, 17 year old son of an FBI agent, allows his hormones to take over so completely that he TURNS HIS BACK on a CITY IN THE SKY to look at a blond alien looking to recruit spies er, ambassadors.

His mom, the “single mom” character (because you have to have one of those in order to relate to the people), who is an FBI counter terrorism agent. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by too much Jack Bauer, because either Erica is the worst CTU agent in the history of the agency, or this entire show is a dream sequence of hers. If the latter is true, then I would have to say this is the greatest show of all time.

If you’ve never seen the original, “V” is the story of an alien race that comes to Earth looking exactly like humans. They have advanced, superior technology, and seem to come offering hope to the world. After a while, we learn that there is a dark side to the Visitors. And then it gets interesting. But that’s AFTER A WHILE. Not after the first commercial break! By the time you find out that the aliens are lizards, you were invested. You cared about the characters…maybe even you’d chosen a favorite.

This show tells you which character is for you. It’s like you’re being marketed to, not told a story. We’re sold a set of character types, we get like 12 minutes to choose one, then the story takes off top speed. Because everything else looks so cool, you don’t want to be left out, so you decide to follow a character, and you hope it works out for the best.

If you choose the special effects as a character – you’re a winner! The ships look great, the implied technology is fascinating, and the effects do not disappoint for the whole show.

If you choose Morris Chestnut’s character…you were out of luck. Chestnut plays a character named Ryan, who is…well we don’t really know WHO he is, because that’s not important, I guess. But we know WHAT he is by the end of the first episode. He’s an alien who is getting engaged to an Earth woman. Ryan is one of many aliens who have “been among us for years”. (yeah, the script is THAT heavy handed). He’s conflicted, of course, because he’s trying to “change his life”, and marry a human. Of course, this implies that he’s going to continue to lie to her for the rest of their lives, mainly about being an ALIEN LIZARD, but we’re lead to understand that it’s okay…on Earth, he’s Black. So long as he’s not seeing another woman (or lizard), we can move on. You see, Ryan has been getting calls from an old friend (who is basically an updated version of “Eddie” from First Wave, because you have to have a conspiracy theorist character or it’s not science fiction) who is determined to expose the aliens (called the “Vs”) and wants his help. Ryan refuses. The guy sets up a meeting anyway, and *surprise*! They’re ambushed.

To get into this meeting, where they will determine how to defend the planet from a race of beings who can hover 30 ships over major cities for 3 weeks without burning the cities to ash, Basically all you have to do is say “Jim sent me”. And then the TWO armed guards let you in. ID check? For what? Obviously if you’ve come to the meeting you hate the aliens too, so listen close as I disclose our secret resistance plans!

So yeah, the aliens know all about the meeting, thanks mainly to being LEAD there by the FBI agent, and they proceed to start killing people. Luckily, Ryan shows up! And he starts defending the humans. Yep, if it sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve seen it a million times. Now Ryan’s got to suffer for his conscience. Big talker conspiracy theorist guy who set the meeting up? Can’t fight. So it’s up to the FBI agent, the Black alien turncoat, and a priest, who, of course, is in great fighting condition.

The original “V” wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but for 1983, it was edgy. And it told its OWN story. This version of V has too much US politics, too many people taking up space but saying nothing, and too many derivative story elements. It was as if someone made “Mars Attacks” into a series. I was really disappointed. One of the main reasons I watched was because I was a big fan of The 4400, a show that Scott Peters write, co-created, and produced.

The more I watched “V”, the more I missed “The 4400″. It was infinitely smarter than this show and didn’t rely on effects or low but female uniforms to keep me interested.

Years ago, I had a conversation with the legendary science fiction writer Octavia Butler. She told me that her inspiration for writing was a really bad science fiction movie called “Devil Girl From Mars”. Somewhere in America last night, someone watched “V”, and is inspired to take up a pen. That’s quite possibly the only good to come out of this show.

Kenneth Johnson is a genius. And he’s had some brilliant ideas for TV shows. He’s done some great work. V was a great idea…in 1983. But it’s time for us to do the work ourselves. Enough with these remakes. Science fiction has come too far for this.

Verdict: PASS

- Daryle Lockhart